For the first time ever, I have a plan for future. Those of you who know me personally, know I have battled with not wanting to live for a long time. I mean, not that I would kill myself, but that I am done with this life and don't want it any more. It's been 25 years. Even my close friends don't understand this. They say: "you have everything, be thankful." Or that "accept it, this is the way life is". It is not that I don't appreciate what I have been given, it is because even with all that have, I didn't want this thing called Life.
I am quite different than most people, don't quite fit the mold of an Iranian woman, or even an Iranian American woman. What I do and who I am baffles a lot of people. Many are shocked, some are inspired, some call me courageous, my family is most of the time freaked out by my adventures and well, you get the idea.
But, for most of my life, I have lived according to the music in my heart and soul, not caring what others thought of me, well except my family. But I've always felt there is something wrong with me. Any way, I finally realized, (duh!), that it is okay to live a life others don't understand. I am finally giving myself the permission to live it freely and with joy, which has allowed me, for the first time to see a future, a future quite different from what my family had planned for me, or what my friends want. A future! Wow! That's something, huh?
